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Is almond milk good for cats?"
Athens: "I just read this article and I'm confused. Are these the only two choices?"
Philly: "What happened to almond milk?"
Athens: "So what did I read wrong?"
Hoboken: "No, don't ever, ever, ever buy almond milk. Just go to your local bookstore and buy a copy of this book."
Washington: "What the hell is an 'almond'?"
Detroit: "Do I really have to use this almond milk?"
Hoboken: "Not at all. There's plenty of soy milk out there that is perfectly suitable for your personal use."
Dallas: "This is ridiculous. I want a refund."
Hoboken: "Just use regular milk."
Phoenix: "My grandmother hates almond milk."
New York: "This is nuts. I want a refund."
Pittsburgh: "Does almond milk have any health benefits?"
New York: "There are lots of health benefits associated with almond milk. You're really starting to make my head hurt."
Seattle: "Where can I get my hands on a gallon of soy milk?"
Denver: "Do they sell this stuff at Walgreens?"
Chicago: "Oh my god, I hate almond milk."
Orlando: "Why the hell am I even supposed to use almond milk when I can just buy the real thing for a fraction of the price?"
New York: "It's all for a good cause."
Cleveland: "This newfangled almond milk has no place in my family."
Boston: "I just hate these stupid commercials."
Washington: "No, no, no! Not the baby food either!"
Los Angeles: "What's the point of this whole experiment anyway? I'm off to buy a gallon of milk."
Las Vegas: "I have no idea what this is about. It's pretty obvious that they're trying to pull a fast one."
New York: "A very wise woman once told me that when it comes to almond milk, it's an either/or decision. You have to buy almond milk or whole milk. But as if to prove she was right, they're offering this milk in three flavors, vanilla, vanilla chocolate chip and strawberry."
Orlando: "I'll have none of it."
Seattle: "So this whole thing's just a giant con?"
New York: "Oh, I forgot. They also sell soy milk."
Los Angeles: "I've had enough. I'm going to go buy that damn gallon of regular milk and get the hell out of this place."
New York: "I've seen the future, and it's just going to be filled with people like you."
Boston: "I'm going back to the store to buy some regular milk."
—This column originally appeared in the New York Daily News.